A new apparatus has made an appearance in our ballet studio, unannounced. What is it, you ask? Does it come with an instruction manual?
Nonsense! Who needs that? After studying it over hours of ballet torture, its presence has become self-explanatory to me. But I’ll enlighten, if it hasn’t spoken to you as of yet.
I present: THE FRUSTRATION MACHINE!
Falling out of that pirouette? Can’t seem to hold your balance? Missing every combination? Don’t be so perturbed! Simply use the frustration machine to reset your emotions to the proper level of focus. Grab the handles, line your forehead up with the rolled towel, and bash your head against it repeatedly until all anger over failed ballet has been exorcized.
Is that not cutting it? Still driven insane by your inability to perform even the simplest of steps? Teacher getting you down, and it seems like there’s just no escape? Allow us to put you out of your misery! Upgrade to: THE BEHEADREST!
Just grab the handles, scooch your head up a bit so that your neck rests comfortably on the padding, then have your closest friend or class-mate do the honors of beheading you! (Axe sold separately.)
Clearly my mind wanders during class…