As scandalous as it sounds.   On the way to see The Hunger Games (fucking awesome btw) : Typical mom-conversation about texting– “Honey, what does it mean when there’s a parenthesis with a ‘P’? “…you mean a colon with a ‘P’? It’s a tongue sticking out.” “I don’t see it.”   Typical dad-conversation about his [...]

Dear George, Last night we had another one of our “encounters”. A close encounter of the third kind, as far as I’m concerned. See what you were doing to me seemed more like preparation for deliverance to the mothership than any normal animal/terrestrial-being behavior. Let me interject with a theory: All nighttime abductions/experiments attributed to [...]

I could go for a run and get some exercise …or I could sit on my ass and do nothing. So many possibilities.

Dear George, It’s awfully sweet that you like to sleep with me. However, I have been feeling for some time now that we need to establish a few ground rules. I have this concept of personal space. Two very important personal bubbles of mine encompass my eyeballs. I’d appreciate if you didn’t try to swat [...]

    I met a real LA cat last weekend. Not like, “yeahhh he’s a cool cat.” (To clarify in the unlikely event you thought I was a 40 yr-old goatee-sporting, beret-wearing beatnik) A literal cat that was so LA he couldn’t be described any other way . Let me explain… #1. I’m pretty sure [...]

  Clearly I am getting a little desperate when my usual walking buddy is out of town. Also, I must quote the highlight of our walk-talk. We were on the subject of being terrible people when this gem was spoken: “Even this morning when I said I didn’t like asian pears I felt a little [...]

This morning my alarm went off, and I started my day with the pleasant thought, “Shut up, you rat-faced mother fucker!” I reflected on this with some satisfaction, as my iPhone now knew I was not someone to be taking any shit, but also with a little disquiet. My word choice was a bit… harsh. [...]

Last night I went to my first bike party. Also spent the most time on a bike since I was one of those accursed freshmen in high school without a license. The bike party itself was fun, but I am currently finding the day after more amusing. 1)The hangover. I am a lightweight, so I [...]

People of the world, I am unemployed. If you ever are in a similar situation, I suggest you take my advice and avoid the Craiglist “All Gigs” section. It will not make you feel too excited about your prospects. So far what I am qualified for: 1.   It’s in the back of his car, so [...]

Her words are running out of her mouth, racing, gasping. Crawling, clawing to get over her teeth, tripping, stumbling, falling out. Her tongue wags lazily, not quite hitting the notes, cutting corners. Enunciation was never of value to her. Her lips only meet briefly. Casual lovers, always rushing. Quick kisses, they brush, rough and careless. [...]

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