People of the world, I am unemployed. If you ever are in a similar situation, I suggest you take my advice and avoid the Craiglist “All Gigs” section. It will not make you feel too excited about your prospects.

So far what I am qualified for:

1.

Screen Shot 2013-08-15 at 2.54.47 PM  Screen Shot 2013-08-15 at 2.54.56 PMIt’s in the back of his car, so it’s perfectly safe. This ad sparked the debate between me and L as to whether you had to caress your own feet, or if he wanted to be the one caressing. I’m not really sure which would be worse. On one hand, I think it would be difficult to think of 15 minutes worth of foot caressing activities. I’m not sure I have the imagination for all that. On the other hand, if he was doing the caressing you could pretty much just sit back and chill out for 15 minutes of psychological trauma. Worth 50 bucks? I’m not quite there. Yet.

2.

Screen Shot 2013-08-14 at 10.19.11 PM

Just kidding. Once again I am held back by not possessing a penis. Damn glass ceiling.

3.

Screen Shot 2013-08-15 at 2.53.19 PM  Not sure what this would entail. But I do have a driver’s license.

4.

Screen Shot 2013-08-15 at 2.54.17 PM

 

The only time I’ve ever wanted to look old enough to be someone’s mother. This smacks a bit too much of the plot of one of those “be careful what you wish for” movies. Im slightly concerned I’d have to get a magical chinese fortune cookie or pee in a fountain or whatever to turn back to my glamourous* youthful self.

*said with sarcasm. observe title of post.

5.

Screen Shot 2013-08-15 at 2.53.52 PMIs this a real thing? I would think this was just a wife publicly taunting her husband, except that the ad has appeared several days in a row. I believe an adult Baby Huey does exist. Sweet, shy, docile, very feminine, in diapers, and impudent. Sounds like a bit of a complex personality.

 

Well that’s it. The job hunt continues. When did good old fashioned prostitution go out of style?

This is a cruel world.

 

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Comments For This Post

  1. Clio September 1, 2013, 2:41 am

    I feel that as a former dancer, I’m not qualified for Option 1. My foot hygiene will never be quite normal again…..

    Reply
    1. ali lake September 4, 2013, 7:07 pm

      Ya my guy friends say the same of me. As much as I try to persuade them that my feet are beautiful, they are not convinced.

      Reply
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